


Soda Flavor

by kokofas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Asahi is bisexual, Drama, F/F, F/M, Friendship, High-school-lovers-reunite-kind-of-thing, Humor, M/M, Multi, Noya is a doctor believe it or not, Romance, Slow build to mature content, Suga and Daichi are getting married because they are totally a marriage material ship, break-up, literally a roller-coaster u don't even know, mention of divorce
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-04-19
Updated: 2017-12-27
Packaged: 2018-03-24 16:04:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 16,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3774868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kokofas/pseuds/kokofas
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Your first break-up is often brutal, always nasty, and usually an all-around train-wreck. But what happens when the first person to ever break your heart invites you to his house for the celebration of your friends' engagement, and you're forced to spend a weekend in his and his girlfriend's presence?</p><p>Nothing good, Yuu Nishinoya can assure you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Gari-Gari Kun

 

People talk about breakups, but they rarely ever talk about the first breakup. Whether it's to maintain the illusion of the perfection of your First Love or if it's just a way to deny that it ever really happened- they just don't talk about it. And you just don't know much about it, until it's dropped its hefty weight on you and all you can do is…nothing.

You can do nothing, feel nothing, and for the longest time, you're sure you _amount_ to nothing. That all goes away, obviously, but sixteen –soon to be seventeen- year old Yuu Nishinoya didn't want to believe it. He wanted to believe that this breakup was going to be his undoing, the final blow to his short-lived existence, and that would be it; The End of Yuu.

But sadly, that's not the case. When your tear ducts use up pretty much most of your bodily fluids, you get up, stuffy nose and red-rimmed eyes and all, and you pour yourself a glass of water and drink it with the anguish of one Who Has Lost It All. When you find yourself in the dire need to pee you push yourself to the bathroom, and –although you may find yourself not caring enough about closing the door (and thus having a very awkward encounter with your mother you have trouble forgetting in the next few years) you pee, and it's an enough of a relief for you to not cry while peeing.

The whole crying period generally lasts a week, perhaps two if you _really_ liked that person, and the pain a couple of months, and then all you're left with is a dry and bitter feeling, which you're more than ready to accept after spending a whole month draining your seemingly drowning heart, and suddenly you can breathe, and it's all empty but it's all good- will be good. You are fine.

Yuu Nishinoya knows all of this now, but oh how he wishes he'd known that back when he'd gotten dumped by none other than the brown-eyed, all-smiles senior, Asahi Azumane. But he didn't know it. And boy was that a roller-coaster.

* * *

 It was the day of graduation for the 2013 Alumni, including the seniors in the Karasuno Boys Volleyball Club. There were, embarrassingly enough, tears from the first years –although if you ever were to ask Tobio Kageyama or Kei Tsukishima about it you would be painfully silenced- and many teary-eyed congratulations from the second years. Well, Ryūnosuke Tanaka wasn't doing a very good job at being discreet about his tears, but nobody was blaming him. There was a general cheer among the seniors, but a few hints of sadness marked any words they said, whether they were directed to the others, to each other, or to their parents.

"I can't believe you're really graduating." Chikara Ennoshita laughed as he clapped Daichi on the shoulder, surprising the older boy with the gesture. Chikara had only recently warmed up to everybody on the team, and it was still a little astonishing seeing how far he'd gone since the Spring Tournament.

"You guys'll be fine." Daichi smiled, Sugawara smiling from where he was standing beside him as he caught a hint of sorrow flash in Daichi's eyes, but it was quickly replaced by an almost-forced cheer. The three of them, along with Kiyoko, had talked almost the entire night last night about this. About graduation, about being replaced, about moving forward, and there was more than one teary outburst that night. All of them were ready, and yet none of them wanted to let go just yet. This was familiar, this was _home_ , and although they'd panickedly repeated for nearly seven hundred times that they would _not_ forget each other, that they would not forget the younger ones either, they were still afraid.

But it was better being afraid together, Sugawara thought as he brushed Daichi's knuckles with his own, catching the other's eye and raising an amused eyebrow that said _Getting emotional are we?_ before he was turning around to chat with Kiyoko.

Chuckling, Daichi turned back to Chikara, his lips upturned on the sides with a smile that could probably motivate a whole nation into regularly recycling, or something. "You're going to be a great captain, and you're going to take those idiots to nationals again, and this time _you'll win them_."

"I…" Chikara began, chuckling a little nervously, mainly because he was a little afraid as to how Daichi managed to create a confidence boost out of the hollow pit in his stomach just now, and then he was wondering if he could ever recreate that, and then he was panicking because _no, nobody is as good as Daichi at this, how can Daichi leave? This team will crash and burn and I'll be the one to cause it and what about Hinata he wants to win so bad I can't let us lose no-_

"Ennoshita-kun," Daichi flicked his forehead and the boy hissed in pain, his hand shooting to his forehead as his brain quickly discarded the thoughts that were clouding it a second ago. "You got this. You know that? You got this."

"I-Yeah.." Chikara began, nodding slowly before a smile started to creep its way to his lips. "Yeah. I got this. Of course I got this. And if I don't get this, I'll get this so I got this." He grinned at Daichi, whose smile had morphed from reassuring to proud to confused in less than a second. "Shit, sorry, did I confuse you? Because I confused myself."

"It's alright. Just...make sure you work on that before next year. You don't want to be confusing anybody on the team in pep talks, yeah?" Daichi grinned. "Anyway, I gotta go line up with the others, I guess it's starting soon. You take care, Ennoshita!" He clapped the younger boy on the back as he walked past him, shaking his head in amusement as the other continued to whisper the words _"I got this"_ under his breath.

Daichi made his way to the other three, sighing heavily as Kiyoko laughed.

"That was cute," She said, patting him on the back reassuringly as Sugawara snickered.

"He confused himself into determination." Daichi said, shaking his head, "I don't know if they're going to be alright."

"They're going to be fine. However, Asahi isn't because _Noya is approaching at a very high speed and you said you were gonna tell him and- oh my god look at how happy he is you're going to break his heart Asahi!_ " Sugawara said in a single breath, laughing as Asahi's eyes widened in fear. He attempted to take a step back, but the two were quickly gripping his arms and pushing him forward.

"Not so fast." Daichi smirked.

"You gotta do this, buddy." Sugawara sighed, grinning up at Asahi, who in turn released a very high-pitched whine for a guy his size.

"Maybe I should do it later? O-o-or maybe it'll work out, I mean he'll be seventeen it's not so bad right? Right??"

"No way. Trust me, you're going regret not doing this if you leave it alone now." Kiyoko said, her head ducked as she typed a message on her phone. "Just think of it as a scab on your knee. If you peel it off quickly, it'll only hurt for a bit. But if you peel it off slow you'll be feeling it for the next few days."

"But if you don't peel it off at all you won't feel anything so maybe-"

"Asahi, I swear if you don't do this right now I'm telling everybody about your shower incident." Daichi threatened, and it was enough to get the taller boy to freeze.

"Not that. You wouldn't." He gasped, a whine of fear making his lips tremble as Daichi's eyes darkened mischievously. That guy was a demon, and Asahi took down a mental note about testing that with Holy Water later. "Alright. Alright, fine. Let me go, I'll go talk to him." Asahi sighed, getting cheers from the two boys and a sweet smile from Kiyoko.

"He'll be fine, Asahi." She said gently.

"He'll hate me." Asahi groaned, rubbing his face in frustration. He did like Noya, he really did. But he had to go down his own path, and after a lot of thinking he realized his path didn't include a high school boy. He liked him, but after discussing everything with the others during the past week, he realized he was ready to let go of high school, and that meant Noya and his cute little dimples and excited chatter as well.

"Well, true, but he's not going to hate you forever. It'll just take him a while." Kiyoko rubbed his arm soothingly before patting it. "If you're going to do it, do it now, we'll be starting in ten minutes."

"Yeah." Asahi whispered. He took a deep breath, released it, nodded at the others, and then made his way to the short boy, who was busy arguing with Tanaka, Kageyama and Hinata about whether or not penguins could wear shoes. He felt a little bad about interrupting, as it seemed like Noya and Tanaka were completely roasting the other two –which to them was an achievement beyond measure- but he eventually tapped the shorter boy's shoulder, halting him mid-sentence.

"Asahi!" Noya exclaimed before Asahi could even form any words, and suddenly he was jumping up and kissing him full on the lips. Asahi briefly thought about how he loved that while he wrapped his arm under the weight of the second year- how he loved the way Noya just boosted himself up and kissed him whenever he saw him, like he was the most jump-worthy thing he'd seen all day, and then he was forcing himself to stop thinking about it because soon enough he'd be breaking the heart of that little adorable boost. "Congratulations! I can't believe you're finally an official adult, you can, like, start a cult and society would actually take you seriously- oh my god you should totally start a cult, I say start one that's anti-cereal, just to piss people off-"

"Noya-"

"Maybe start an anti-shoes one too, oh boy people are going to _lose_ it-"

"Yuu!" Asahi exclaimed, sighing in relief as the other boy paused, blinking at him innocently. He took a deep breath, lowering the shorter boy back to the ground before placing a hand on his shoulder. "Nobody's starting a cult and-"

"Aww, come on-"

"Yuu. I need to talk to you. Alone, please?" He smiled sweetly, and he could feel Tanaka's curious gaze on him as Noya glanced back at the others before turning to face him once again, nodding and speaking in a more serious tone.

"Sure, let's go to the greenhouse." He said, and Asahi wanted to kiss him for suggesting a place so far away. It was better, because he knew Noya would be screaming and crying and possibly kicking everything in sight within the first ten seconds of the breakup. Asahi didn't kiss him, he didn't want to kiss him when he was leading him to the location of his first breakup.

Shit, this was going to be Noya's first breakup.

Asahi realized that as he and the boy approached the greenhouse, and he looked behind him to catch a glimpse of the school building before all hell broke loose, and then they were stopping and he was feeling the other boy's gaze trained on his face like it was some item of worship and Asahi _really_ didn't want to do this anymore, maybe he could just tell him he wanted to make out, and he could just avoid this entire thing but-

No, he had to do this, and he had to do it now.

"Asahi?" Noya's voice was soft and curious as he took Asahi's hand in his slowly, gripping it firmly in his own. His hand was small, but hardened from years of training and bruises and more training and more bruises, and Asahi remembered the time he'd laid down with Noya in his bed and had kissed every single one of his bruises, with Noya's amused giggles filling his ear and a hand raking through Asahi's hair, twirling strands around a finger before releasing them again. The bruises from that day had mostly faded into a sickly yellow, but Asahi found himself tracing them as he looked into the shorter boy's brown eyes, rimmed with gold as the sun reflected on them.

"We need to talk." He began, and sighed as Noya nodded slowly, understandingly, before continuing. "I-" He started, then stopped, tightening his grip on the smaller boy as his eyes fell to the ground beside him. He felt a hand rest on his chest and he forced his eyes to meet his boyfriend's –soon to be ex-boyfriend's- as Noya smiled gently.

"Don't rush it, I know you get all overwhelmed. Think about what you want to say, and then say it." Noya said and Asahi laughed, gaining a grin from the smaller one as he took in a deep breath. He took the hand on his chest into his other hand and sighed, then began.

"I think we should…I think I…" Asahi groaned, "I'm breaking up with you, Yuu." He swallowed, forcing his eyes to remain on the smaller boy's face as a million emotions passed on his features, a confusion of mixed emotions that could not stabilize as an unsure smile made its way on his soft, pink lips.

"What?" He asked hoarsely, clearing his throat as he laughed a little blandly, "Y-you're joking, right? This is your little personal senior prank?"

"It's not a joke, Noya." Asahi sighed, rubbing his forehead as he looked up to the heavens as some sort of prayer for help. He knew this would be hard, but the choked sound that escaped the smaller boy was not something he ever wanted to be ready for.

"I-is it because of the cult stuff I said? I swear I was joking, I don't- I'm not in any cults- I mean if you are in any that's fine too-" Noya began in a panic, a cheerless laugh leaving his lips as he swallowed to keep his voice in check.

"Yuu." Asahi murmured, "It's not the cult stuff. I…I can't explain it, please, just.." He sighed. He tried to bring up the smaller boy's hand to his lips so he could kiss it, but it was quickly snatched from his grip, a fury he had never seen before in his life now jumping out from the golden rimmed irises of his boyfriend's (ex-boyfriend's) eyes as he curled his fist near his own chest.

"You can't _explain_ it?" Noya exploded, and Asahi knew they'd gotten to the stage of Total Damnation. There was no Undo button for the damage here. The entirety of the rage within the 5'3 Yuu Nishinoya was coming out, and coming out fast. He could do nothing but stare as the younger boy's unblinking eyes filled with angry tears. "What the fuck do you mean you can't explain it? You're breaking up with me but giving me absolutely no reason why you want to do it? Because guess what, Asahi? It's not so simple. We've been dating for a whole year, I- you can't just fucking call it quits!"  He shouted, tearing at his hair in frustration and Asahi wished he could fix his little blond strand for him but he was angry, oh boy was he angry, and there was no way to escape this now.

"I'm graduating, Noya. You didn't think we were going to stay together after high school, did you?" Asahi asked, and he knew he'd asked the wrong thing because -and he could read it in the smaller boy's pained eyes- Noya had completely thought that.

"What else was I supposed to think?" Noya asked in a hushed whisper that Asahi's ears strained to hear as he finally lowered his eyes to the ground, glaring at it like it had wronged him most of all out of all the things that surrounded him right now. Which was not true; Asahi had hurt him most. In fact, Asahi was positive he'd hurt Noya more than anybody else in Noya's life, and if that knowledge didn't make him despise himself then he wasn't sure what _could_ , because he was standing there, watching, as Nishinoya sniffed and wiped at his face angrily, and he wanted to argue that he didn't have to act strong but he knew that this was Noya. Noya wasn't going to let him see him cry. He was going to stand tall, he was going to throw in a few words that he knew made him sound like the invincible guy everybody thought he was, and then he was going to go home and cry.

Asahi had thought he'd made Noya lower all his walls around him, exposing all those little insecurities everybody thought simply did not exist for the boy, but now he was watching the walls go up, way up, as the two made eye contact once again.

"You know, gracing me with a fucking answer would be greatly appreciated right now. I'm sorry if I'm not good enough for a decent breakup but I'm not letting you leave it at this. Explain yourself or I swear to god I will- I will-"

"Yuu…"

"No- _Fuck you_ Asahi, don't you _Yuu_ me. Don't even say my fucking name." Noya shouted, grinning maniacally as he started to step back, "You know what? Keep your damn explanation to yourself; I don't even want to know. Just go graduate, go live your perfect life and leave me the fuck alone." His voice broke at the end and he quickly turned around, stomping away from Asahi in the direction opposite the one they'd come from- the direction of the school gate. He was going home, the downpour making way for an entire storm, and Asahi's eyes stung as he called for the boy in a desperate attempt to fix what he'd broken.

"God _dammit_ Asahi, don't you get it?!" Noya screamed as he whirled around to look at him, eyes red-rimmed and nearly bursting with tears. "I can't stand looking at your face right now, I can't fucking stand it- and I _never_ want to see you again. I never want to hear from you again. So just leave me alone." He said in defeat, a sight Asahi had never thought he'd see; Noya's shoulders slumped, his face yellow with sickness, his entire being looking _beaten_ , and Asahi had to clamp his lips shut as he watched Noya's lonely figure make its way to the school gate, and then he was sobbing as the boy's steps faded into nothingness, and Asahi thought he'd never hated himself more than he had at that very moment.

Graduation sucked.

* * *

Yuu Nishinoya was crying. He wasn't crying out of excitement, like he usually was. He wasn't crying out of joy, no, he was crying because he'd just been dumped by the first person he'd ever loved. And it fucking _hurt_.

It hurt so much he found himself clutching at his heart as he bawled in his room. It hurt so much it felt like somebody had grabbed a baseball bat –one of those metal ones- and sent his heart flying right out of his rib cage.

It hurt so much that he ignored all ten calls and forty texts from Tanaka as he laid in his bed, silently crying while watching reruns of some shitty Mexican show he'd found on TV, rejecting all meals his mother left in front of his door.

It hurt, and he was partly angry at himself for letting it hurt so much. He'd always made sure to guard himself. He'd set up all those defenses, all those personas, all those things that were supposed to guarantee he'd never ever get hurt, and yet Asahi had knocked it all down, and left him here to cry in three days old underwear and –now- a vague knowledge of the Spanish language.

Eventually, though, Yuu found that he probably had to let his best friend know he was alive -if not feeling slightly dead inside- and he quickly sent off a message,

**_"alive, pls stop calling im watching a thing"_ **

He threw his phone on the floor, sipping from the juice box he'd snatched from the kitchen as he watched a man break up with his girlfriend on the show. "I know that feel." He sighed, draining his juice box and throwing it in the general direction of the trashcan before hearing his phone vibrate. He groaned, leaning down to pick it up and open the conversation.

**_"what region of the world this time?"_ **

Shit. Ryuu knew he watched foreign shows when he was sad. He was going to find out, and then he was going to drag him out of the house to exact revenge on Asahi, and surprisingly enough, he didn't feel like revenge.

 ** _"Mexican..."_**  He eventually replied. Soon his screen was lighting up with a new message,

 ** _"coming over"_** It said and Noya groaned, burying his face in his pillow to shout his frustration. He didn't want to see Tanaka, he didn't want to see anyone. He just wanted to lay in this ditch he called his room for the next ten years and then maybe go shower because –as he now noted- he kind of stank, and maybe when he'd watched enough Mexican to know the local language he could just fly there, start a new life with a new name and all.  He wondered how long a flight from Japan to Mexico would take, when his door was bursting open and Tanaka was easily weaving through the makeshift maze that now made up his floor, a plastic bag clutched in one hand.

"What's that?" Noya asked, still in the same face-burial position as he watched Tanaka approach him. He could, obviously, complain about Tanaka coming over, but he was kind of glad he did. And he was even more glad when Tanaka dumped the entire contents of the plastic bag on his head to reveal –after snatching the items off his hair and inspecting them- Gari-Gari Kun.

"You even got Soda flavor, dude." Noya sat up quickly, sniffing as he made some space for Tanaka beside him.

"You're all doom and gloom, I thought I'd get your favorite." Tanaka said as he rested his back on the wall Noya's bed was stuck against. "By the way, you fucking stink."

"Asahi broke up with me." Noya said. There was silence besides the crackling of the Gari-Gari Kun wrapper as he tore it off, and then Tanaka sighed heavily.

"I know, man."

"Yeah. It feels like shit."

"Breakups are harsh." Tanaka agreed, and Noya huffed, licking at his Popsicle mournfully while he watched the characters on the show interact. He wasn't sure what was happening, which he discovered usually happened if you miss five minutes of any Mexican drama.

"I still don't get why it happened."

"You don't always have to get why things happen, bro." Tanaka said, and Noya knew he was referring to his –unhealthy, probably- habit of wanting to make sense of why things are happening. Why his parents had gotten divorced, why he'd had to move to Miyagi, why cranberry juice often tasted like crap, why they'd lost at nationals, and now, why Asahi had dumped him. It was an endless spiral of him asking the world questions it didn't want to answer, and it pissed him off how he kept doing it, but he kept doing it because he didn't know what else to do.

"I know that." Noya mumbled, sighing as he finished his Popsicle and threw its wrapper onto the floor, which Tanaka quickly removed and dumped in the trashcan.

"You'll be fine." He assured him, and Noya groaned.

"I don't think so."

"Well I think so, so trust me."

"Can we play Smash Bros?" Noya said as he watched the credits roll for the episode he'd been watching before turning to look at the boy sitting beside him.

"Fuck yeah we can play Smash Bros. Get this Mexican crap outta my face, man." Tanaka grinned and Noya nudged him with his foot.

"You're a dick to Mexico."

"Just turn the stupid receiver off, Noya-san." Tanaka rolled his eyes and Noya finally left his bed to click the power switch on the satellite receiver, quickly disconnecting it from the TV to connect his Wii U, starting up two controllers and handing one to Tanaka before sitting on the floor beside his feet.

"Can I play with Jigglypuff?" He asked, getting a smack to the head from the boy sitting on his bed.

"I'm not letting you fall that deep down the pit of misery, man, so we're going to go with no."

"Fine." He grumbled. The two played for hours, and then they ordered food –mainly due to boredom than actual hunger- and then they played some more. Tanaka eventually left, and Noya soon returned to his Mexican dramas.

He wasn't okay, he knew that. He wasn't okay at all. He was sixteen, and heartbroken, and slightly positive he was going to get food poisoning from the plate of pasta he'd snatched from the fridge that tasted a little off, but he knew this wasn't going to last. He didn't want to know that right now, but he knew he'd know it eventually. He was sixteen, but soon he'd be seventeen, and after that he'd be even older, and all of this would be gone.

But for now he was going to eat cold pasta and cry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK don't murder me for that breakup, I promise some asanoya goodies will be coming your way soon enough. I got this idea while I was watering the plants in the garden -I'm a real badass- and I just went ahead and began writing it. I don't know how long it'll be, but hopefully long enough.
> 
> I decided Noya's parents are divorced because I can. Also, sorry for using first names with some people and last names with others, it's just a preference with me. And using "Noya" as Nishinoya's name is just a bad habit I am unwilling to let go of.
> 
> How cute is Noya's favorite food?? Also, I discovered Asahi means morning sun and Yuu means evening, so they're literally otp. I'm not making this up, check their profiles on the [Haikyuu!! Wiki](http://haikyuu.wikia.com/wiki/Haikyuu!!_Wiki)
> 
> Anyway, this was just a chapter to cover the story's background, the next chapter will begin the real timeline of the story (all of them are adults yay!) and we can get down to business. Sooo hope you enjoyed, next chapter should be coming soon!
> 
> P.S. hmu on tumblr I'm user [snoopkaneki](http://snoopkaneki.tumblr.com/) and we can talk about asanoya and mexican dramas.


	2. Yuu Nishinoya

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's six years later, Daichi and Sugawara have announced their engagement, Asahi has sent invites to the celebration/reunion in his house, and Yuu Nishinoya has _a lot_ of thinking to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I tried to write this in present tense but then I gave up.

Yuu Nishinoya was doing just fine. He was turning twenty two in October, was currently finishing his internship year at the hospital, and -despite him not having grown an inch since high school- it looked like his life was coming together **.**

Until a text woke him up from his little nap before work. He groaned, rolling in his –now empty- bed to grab blindly at his phone. Whoever dared to wake him up would be facing harsh consequences.

That was what he was thinking, until the sender's name registered in his brain. It was none other than Asahi Azumane, his high school ex-boyfriend, and he'd sent a text to the group chat for their team –a group chat the four graduates had created exactly two days after their graduation- saying something along the lines of a celebration in his house. Frowning mid-yawn, Noya blinked his eyes firmly in order to refocus his vision, before reading over the text again.

**_Hey guys! As we all know, Suga and Daichi are getting engaged!_** They were? Noya frowned and continued. **_So, we decided to do a little celebration/reunion thing at my house this weekend. There's plenty of room for everyone, and it should be fun catching up. What do you guys think?_**

_No_ , was Noya's first thought. There was no way he was seeing them again. Apart from Tanaka, he had little to no connection with the others besides a few snapchats here and there, and he _definitely_ had no interactions with Asahi. Asahi was part of his past, a part he'd spent far too much time and far too many tears forgetting about, and there was no way he was poking at that wound again.

Putting his phone down, Noya huffed and sat up tiredly, staring at his bare legs. On one hand, he had to be there for Sugawara and Daichi; they'd been there for him for most of his high school life. On the other hand, he was in no way willing to see, hear, or speak to Asahi. He'd spent all these years pointedly ignoring Asahi on the group chat, and he wasn't going to change that today, or any other day.

With that in mind, he got off his bed, feet stumbling on air as he made his way to the bathroom. He decided to take a quick shower, knowing he'd be craving one by the end of the day at the hospital, and quickly discarded his clothes and stepped into the shower box in the corner of the bathroom.

Standing under the water, he began singing to himself in an attempt to make himself forget about how _fucking cold_ the water was. Ushiwaka must have used up all the hot water when he'd gotten up to go to his own place, and Noya made a mental note of texting him a series of angry emojis later as he hurriedly washed the shampoo out of his hair.

Once he felt he'd washed his body adequately enough, he stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist and standing in front of the sink to brush his teeth. He studied his practically-dead face in the mirror as he squeezed what little was left of the toothpaste onto his toothbrush, and then quickly finished with his daily hygiene routine.

He was just stepping out of the bathroom when his phone went off, and he hurriedly made for it, sliding his thumb across the screen to accept the call from none other than Sugawara Kouishi.

"Yes, mother."

"Don't sound so exasperated when we haven't spoken in months!" Sugawara scolded over the phone and Noya found himself laughing as he sat down on the edge of the bed, his hand idly playing with a loose string from the towel he'd wrapped.

"Sorry. How are you?" He asked, "Oh, and, congratulations, thanks for not telling me and having me find out from _You Know Who_."

"Really? Asahi is actually on Lord Voldemort's level now?"

"He should be." Noya shrugged.

"It happened almost six years ago, Noya. Time to move on." Sugawara said in amusement, and Noya could imagine him rolling his eyes and smiling on the other side.

"I _have_ moved on, that's why I don't want to see him again." Noya sighed, falling back on the bed with the phone to his ear.

"Well, I don't care. You're coming this weekend. Besides, it's not like you guys will be alone, the whole team should be coming."

"You know, you should probably stop calling us _'the whole team'_ , considering we're all in our twenties by now."

"Once a team, always a team, Noya." Sugawara sang and Noya groaned in annoyance, lifting his legs up in the air to inspect his toes. "You have to come, what's a team without its libero?"

"Oh come on, don't use that on me."

"Where's the Noya-san I know? The one that always has our back?"

"Oh my god-"

"The one who always defends us? Or has he left?"

"Suga-"

"Has he abandoned his teammates?"

" _ohmygod_ \- fine, I'll think about it. But nothing for sure yet!" Noya sighed, letting his legs fall as he sat up.

"Let me know by tonight?" Sugawara asked, the grin on his face easily heard in his voice. Noya huffed, nodding, before realizing Sugawara couldn't see.

"Sure. I've got to get ready for work right now, so _please_ don't spam the group or something. You guys are always doing that." Noya said as he walked to his closet, fishing out his clothes and a fresh pair of underwear.

"I can't promise you that, you know how Hinata and Tanaka get."

"Sadly." Noya sighed. "I've got to go. I'll talk to you later, Suga. And- I'm really happy for you."

"Thank you." Suga answered gently. "I'm really happy as well. Have a nice day!"

Noya ended the call, sighing. He had a problem, but he knew just who to ask for a solution.

* * *

"Wait, you guys have a group chat?" Oikawa Tooru asked as he typed something onto the computer screen in front of him, raising an amused eyebrow. The man hadn't changed, besides getting progressively more attractive through the years, but that only meant his attitude was as Oikawa-ish as ever.

"Oh my god, you decide to fixate on that?" Noya rolled his eyes, making for a chip from the bag currently open on Oikawa's desk but quickly getting his hand slapped by the older man. "Yes, we have a group chat."

Oikawa snorted, "Nerds."

"Did you listen to anything from what I just told you? This is a real problem, Oikawa." Noya groaned, swinging his chair in slow circles as he studied the array of medicines in the room. Oikawa worked in the hospital's pharmacy, a little white room that looked like an avalanche of medicines. There were all kinds, shapes, and sizes, and Noya found himself inspecting one on the rack nearby as he waited for Oikawa to give him a reply.

"That one's for menstrual pain."

"You don't know my needs." Noya scowled, getting a deathly smile from Oikawa and quickly returning the medicine to its original place. He rolled back towards Oikawa's desk and sighed. "Okay, seriously. Do I go, or not?"

"Ask Iwa-chan." Oikawa said, and Noya was about to say that Iwaizumi hadn't even come yet when the door was swinging open and the man was stepping in, lunch in hand and dressed in the surgeons' official colors, a kind of green that vaguely reminded Noya of herbs. "Hey, Iwa-chan, their team from high school still has a group chat. Isn't that cute?" Oikawa cooed, grinning widely as Noya shot him a glare.

"We still have a group chat." Iwaizumi shrugged, causing Oikawa to frown.

"No we don't."

"We do, we just unanimously decided we didn't want you on it because you're an annoying texter."

"I'm not- Iwa-chan that's so rude!" Oikawa whined, making Iwaizumi grin as he sat down on the spare chair left for him.

"So, Iwa-chan, help me." Noya swiveled his seat to face the man, grinning in amusement as Iwaizumi's eyebrow twitched in annoyance.

"Please don't call me Iwa-chan." Iwaizumi asked as he unrolled the foil covering the plate of food now resting on his lap. The three used to spend their breaks outside, in the cafeteria, or in the break room, but since the other pharmacist had quit, Oikawa had ended up with all the work, which meant he _couldn't_ leave the pharmacy, and decided it was better if the two started joining him there on their breaks. There were complaints from both, as –after spending an entire day in the hospital- they didn't want to still be surrounded by the sterile air, but there was no arguing with Tooru Oikawa.

"Sorry. Look. Daichi and Sugawara are getting engaged, and Asahi's throwing them this little celebration thing."

"Asahi…who?"

"Remember that guy with the stupid hair bun?" Oikawa asked, and Iwaizumi's eyes quickly widened in recognition before he nodded understandingly.

"It wasn't stupid! It was cute." Noya defended, kicking Oikawa's seat lightly.

"It was stupid. So was your hair, I'm glad you stopped putting ten tonnes of gel on it every day." Oikawa commented, and Noya groaned in exasperation.

"Okay, look, it doesn't matter. What matters is that, I'm invited to sleep over at my ex's house for the weekend and _Suga won't let me bail_."

"Alright, wait. Aren't you dating Waka-whatever anyway?"

"Wakatoshi Ushijima." Oikawa quickly offered, Iwaizumi brushing off the name with a _Whatever_ and causing Oikawa to smirk in amusement.

"We're not dating, we're-"

"They're committed fuck-buddies." Oikawa offered, and Noya hesitated before shrugging and nodding. It was an accurate description, no matter how much he wanted to pretend they weren't all that serious. They weren't in a relationship, but when they needed a fuck that meant more than a one night stand but less than Official Relationship Sex, they came to each other; that was the way it was between them.

"It's still irrelevant though." Noya sighed.

"It's not irrelevant. If you have a boyfriend, or well, kind-of-boyfriend, seeing an ex is fine. Actually, could even be fun. I mean, it could signify that you're both over each other and can go back to normal." Iwaizumi shrugged, looking at Oikawa for support, who in turn nodded in agreement.

"That's impossible." Noya sighed, and he knew exactly why it was impossible. If it had been anybody else from the team who was his ex, he'd probably go back to being friends with them, but with Asahi, it wasn't like that. They were never friends, not really; they had always been something more, from the moment Noya had arrived in his first year. They'd never allowed any space for friendship- not that they weren't friendly, but they'd always felt more than friends were supposed to feel, touched more than friends were supposed to touch, and all of that led up to them falling for each other—scratch that, Noya falling for Asahi. He didn't know whether Asahi ever did like him all that much.

"Then just don't go." Oikawa's statement brought him back to the present, and he quickly blinked, then shook his head.

"I don't think that's an option." He looked down at his phone's clock, sighing, "My break's over, I gotta go back in there." He pointed in the direction of the rest of the hospital. "I'll figure something out. Thank you guys, though."

"No problem," Iwaizumi said as he clapped him on the shoulder, and then Noya was on his way back to the battle that was the Emergency Room. He glanced at the group chat –titled _Karasuno, Fight!!_ \- which currently read 300 unread messages, and then pocketed his phone again.

He'd have to come up with a decision by tonight, but for now, he had a dozen patients that desperately needed a doctor to tell them they were improving.

* * *

Noya finally managed to escape the hospital before another patient could be brought in at approximately 12:45 AM, and he found himself yawning as he unlocked the door to his apartment and dragged his feet past the doorway. He kicked the door close behind him and threw his keys on the table standing beside it, screaming and nearly jumping right out of his skin once he noticed somebody sitting on his couch.

Until he realized it was just Ushiwaka.

Groaning, he slipped off his shoes, making his way into the kitchen and grabbing the cereal box out of one of the cupboards. "Waka, what are you doing in my house?" He asked as he poured a considerable amount into a bowl, adding milk and fishing out a clean spoon from the drawer before making his way back to the living room. Ushiwaka was watching cartoons –which Noya had learnt he loved-, Noya plopped down beside him.

"I have a key." Wakatoshi answered simply and Noya rolled his eyes, chewing on the cereal and swallowing before speaking again.

"Yeah, that's not an excuse for randomly walking in here. By the way, can you please stop using up all my hot water?" Noya scowled as Ushiwaka shrugged, not even bothering to look at him as he continued to watch the TV screen.

"It's your fault for never coming over instead." He said simply and Noya found himself rolling his eyes again. He discovered he did that a lot around Ushiwaka- rolling his eyes, making fun, all that stuff. It was hard to ever take Ushiwaka seriously, something most people didn't know. Most saw him as this terrifying 6'2, monster of a man, but what they didn't know was that Ushiwaka was awkward, dense -and therefore confused 99% of the time- and his face was actually just stuck on a constantly-pissed state. Noya liked that, and he liked that he was probably the only person who knew all that, and he wondered why that still didn't make him like Ushiwaka himself.

"I'm a doctor, I finish work way too late every day, how can I catch a train to your place at 1 AM, _baby_?" Noya retorted, adding a mocking tone in the last word for good measure. Waka's eyes finally flickered to him, slight annoyance within them making Noya laugh and lean close to kiss Ushiwaka's cheek. Ushiwaka's lips twitched slightly into a suppressed smile, and Noya _definitely_ noticed it.

It was amusing, how cute this giant of a man really was.

"I'll leave the water heater on when I leave next time." Ushiwaka said, and Noya knew this was as much of an apology as he could get from the larger man. Smiling, he quickly finished up his cereal and returned the bowl to the kitchen before coming up from behind the couch, spreading his arms across Ushiwaka's chest as he leaned his head on his shoulder.

"So why are you here?" He asked, watching the way Ushiwaka's lashes fluttered with every blink. He studied the man's face, his rough features, his wide jaw. It always seemed like his looks could kill, but Noya knew it wasn't so. He knew that Ushiwaka was more quiet than loud, he was more gentle than rough, and he knew that -despite the fact that Ushiwaka would never admit it- he totally loved to cuddle after sex.

He was a sentimental guy, one of the most sentimental guys Noya ever met, and yet he understood. He understood Noya's need to be, not misunderstood, but not-understood. He understood when all Noya wanted to do with a weekend was to sit on the couch in pajamas and shut his phone, and he also understood when all Noya wanted to do was to have sex until his hair was a makeshift warzone and his hips too sore to allow any efficient movement. He understood all of that about Noya, because he was the same in many ways.

The two of them were never made for each other. In a puzzle, they were two pieces that could not fit, not because they were too different but because they were the same, and you couldn't fit two identical pieces together. So what they did was stay beside each other, until one of them managed to find a piece for himself.

"I wanted to see you." Ushiwaka admitted and Noya smiled, chuckling and kissing his cheek before removing himself from the man, making his way to sit down on the couch once again.

"That's rare." He commented, pulling out his phone to check his messages.

"It's been hurting lately," Ushiwaka stated and Noya paused, looking up to meet the man's eyes. "My leg." He finished, and Noya stayed silent, because Ushiwaka didn't expect a reply. He expected Noya to listen.

Noya's eyes softened and he found himself putting his phone down. He moved across the couch towards Ushiwaka, climbing into his lap and cupping his face gently, but he didn't say anything. His golden eyes watched Waka's hazel ones, and then Ushiwaka was talking again.

"It's just, it fucking sucks, Noya." Ushiwaka took a deep breath, his hands tightening around Noya's waist. "It sucks to feel that vague feeling of discomfort in my leg every day. It sucks to not know how to walk right all the time."

"Waka, i-it's not supposed to hurt anymore, it's been three years." Noya whispered softly, because he knew how his next words would make Ushiwaka act, how they'll be too close to the truth for Ushiwaka's comfort, and then the subject of Ushiwaka's injury and early retirement would be discarded. But he continued anyway. "It's in your head, the pain-"

"Please don't start-"

"You haven't let what happened go, and you keep fooling your body into thinking it still needs the pain killers but-"

"Noya-"

"It doesn't. Your leg should be fine with walking now, and more importantly, you should be fine now."

"Just stop!" Ushiwaka shouted, and Noya jumped, like he always did when Ushiwaka got like this. He was used to this, to this talk, and yet he was stunned by Ushiwaka's anger every time. He knew he was not really angry at him, but at himself, but when Ushiwaka was shouting and his hands were tightening far too painfully on Noya's hips he felt scared, and couldn't help but think that they were not healthy, this could never, and would never be, healthy, but it was all either of them could have.

"I'm sorry." Noya's whisper came a few beats later, and then he was hugging Ushiwaka's head to his chest, stroking his hair with his eyes trained to one of the frames hung on his wall. He felt wetness on his shirt and he knew Ushiwaka was crying, but he didn't make a comment on it, because he never did, and soon after, when Ushiwaka raised his head to look at him –all red nose and sad, sad eyes- they kissed, and it was a quiet kind of kiss, a comfortable kind of kiss, but not a kiss Noya wanted to spend his life with. He wondered briefly who it was he wanted to spend his life with, and then pushed the thought away.

Ushiwaka had eventually left at 2 AM, without the two of them having done anything besides curling up on the couch and watching cartoons together. Noya flipped through the TV channels idly, settling onto some American movie before grabbing his phone. Eventually, he decided to open the group chat, scrolling through several discussions, ranging from politics to the exact amount of pepper a person should put on their food, and one rather heated argument between Yamaguchi and Kageyama about the need for yet _another_ Five Nights At Freddy's. Noya sighed. Yamaguchi was probably the only person who still supported the game, and it was actually sad.

Humming, he skipped the rest of the messages, reaching the bottom where Asahi had sent a text saying: **_"Any confirmations?"_**. Nishinoya groaned, opening the private conversation with Tanaka and sending a text, knowing the other man would be awake at this hour.

**_"Should I go?"_ **

**_"Yeah it'll be cool dude"_** Tanaka's reply came, and Noya sighed, knowing Tanaka hadn't elaborated because he didn't want Noya to elaborate either. If anybody knew how hung up Noya had remained about Asahi, it was Tanaka, and if he thought there was no need to discuss it with Noya then maybe that meant it would be okay.

It would be okay, Noya assured himself as he sent a reluctant agreement. It would be okay, he assured himself as he opened the group chat once again. It would be okay, he assured himself as he watched the ones who were still awake reply with an affirmative. It would be okay, he assured himself, as he typed a short **_"I'm in."_** and sent it.

It would be okay, he assured himself as Asahi replied with a **_"Great! :-)_** ** _"_**  . It would be okay, he assured himself as he stared at the message, knowing it wasn't specifically for him, but a part of him wishing it was.

He put his phone on charger, turning off the TV and making his way to his room. He stripped of his clothes then turned off the lights, breaking into a run towards the bed, a childish habit he knew he was probably never giving up. He sighed as he slid under the sheets, pulling the pillow from the vacant side of his bed to place under his belly as he stared into the darkness of his room.

The weekend was four days away, and he would need to have his act together by then.  He'd have to be Yuu Nishinoya, the one they knew; the Karasuno libero, the Guardian Deity, the tornado of confidence. He would have to be the Yuu Nishinoya he had lost.

He would have to be the Yuu Nishinoya Asahi had made him lose, and he'd have to show him that Yuu Nishinoya was doing just fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How was that dose of ushinoya? I was tempted to make this an ushinoya fest, but my asanoya feels stopped me tbh. However, I'm thinking of writing a spin-off about how ushiwaka got his injury and how he and Noya ended up this dysfunctional yet cute whatever-they-are. If you guys want to read that, let me know and I'll take it as a Go sign to release my suppressed ushinoya.
> 
> Oikawa is a pharmacist and Iwaizumi is a surgeon because it totally fits. Also they're cool, I just needed to state that.
> 
> I'm sorry this chapter didn't have much, but I had to introduce older Noya and his lifestyle before diving into the warzone that is asanoya. Next chapter the roller-coaster begins, so buckle up because I doubt any of us are surviving. If you want to talk to me, [hit my tumblr](http://snoopkaneki.tumblr.com/) and we can scream together.
> 
> **Disclaimer:** I don't own Five Nights At Freddy's and FNAF4 just got announced so I'm angry because it needs to end already.


	3. Heart Full of Carnations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the big day, and so far, Nishinoya's heart isn't complying at all.

The train to Tokyo, where Asahi currently resided, was fit to bursting. The seats were all occupied, and those who had the misfortune of catching the trip on its third or fourth stop found themselves holding onto the railing and standing for the rest of the ride. Fortunately for Noya, Miyagi had been from the earlier stops and so far, he'd managed to keep his seat, silently praying no grannies or pregnant ladies came so he wouldn't have to give it up- which he knew was a little bit of a rude prayer, but he was certain whatever God was on the receiving end of his prayers was used to them by now.

Sighing, he glanced at the feet of people standing between the aisles, judging shoe tastes out of boredom before resting his head against the window again. This was taking forever. Not only had it been far too difficult to convince himself to get up in the morning and carry himself to the station in order to see the one face his entire being didn't want to see, but the train ride to Tokyo was wearing his patience with every second, and he felt like if he didn't arrive in the next minute, he'd be too anxious and itching for a fight to let this weekend go smoothly.

Nonetheless, he pulled through, playing game apps on his phone he had no recollection of when he'd downloaded and making up stories for the people with him on the train. He'd come up with detailed back stories for three people when he felt the train begin its halt, signifying the end of his anxiety and the beginning of his full-fledged panic.

After managing to exit the train –mostly by allowing himself to be dragged by the hoard of people- he stood against one of the walls of the station, pulling out his phone and re-reading Asahi's address for the millionth time before leaving and getting into a cab. He discovered that Asahi's house address was pretty straight-forward as the cabbie nodded in understanding immediately and drove to the location, commenting here and there about the Tokyo traffic and asking Noya questions about Miyagi, before pulling up in front of The House.

Noya found himself frozen, hand rested on the door handle but not showing any sign of actually clicking it any time soon, and suddenly he felt the extreme need to get away, and get away fast. He wasn't good at this, wasn't good at confrontations, and a vague whisper of _'Waka's rubbed off on you'_ passed through his thoughts as he stared up at the house, before the cabbie was clearing his throat.

"Hey buddy, is this the wrong place?" The man asked and Noya quickly returned his attention to him, releasing a breath he didn't know he was strangling in his tightening chest. It felt like his lungs had turned to lead, and his tongue weighed a tonne as he struggled to reply.

"I…" He began, his hands tightening on his knees almost painfully before he forced a smile to his lips. _You are Yuu Nishinoya_ , he thought to himself. Yuu Nishinoya doesn't get jittery. "Yeah, no this is the right place." He finished, fishing out his wallet and pulling out a few bills before grabbing his bag and finally opening the door. "Thank you!" He called as he quickly stepped out, knowing if he didn't the cab would become his next hideout from reality, and adults didn't hide from reality. Well, at least they weren't supposed to.

"Don't you want the change?" The man cried after him and he waved him away as he walked up to the house's gate. It was a two-story house, colored a gentle milky-white that could be likened to warmth. The house seemed pretty western, and Noya sighed in relief. His own apartment was a rare western-style, and after spending such a long time in it, he felt pretty uncomfortable with Japanese interiors- despite having grown up in one.

Taking in a deep breath, he released it in an attempt to unburden his lungs from the excruciating weight on them. This was it, the moment he'd been avoiding his entire life. He wondered whether Asahi felt the same today as he took the steps up towards the door, and he knew he probably didn't. Out of the two, Asahi was the one with a bigger heart, a stronger heart.

He wondered about a lot of things as he stood frozen on the doorstep, eyes staring the bell down so intensely he felt laser would soon come shooting out of them to fry it to a crisp. He wondered about what Asahi did for a living, he wondered how Asahi had afforded a house of this size and why he'd bothered. He wondered whether Asahi had somebody in his life, he wondered whether Asahi had kept his long hair.

He wondered whether Asahi had missed him at all.

And then he rang the doorbell.

Its sound was deafening in the frozen silence of his being as he schooled his features into default Nishinoya. Yuu Nishinoya™, the tornado of charm, the rolling thunder. He felt a twinge of sadness in his heart as he put on his biggest smile- a sadness born from the acknowledgement that his entire being was fake, and then the door swung open.

It was Yachi, but it wasn't exactly Yachi. She'd grown quite a bit, which wasn't surprising, but it surprised his eyes anyway, and he felt real joy as her own eyes widened in recognition, and soon enough her arms were around him, and he noted that she must have grown a little taller than him because his nose barely came up to her lips.

"Nishinoya-san!" She shouted and he laughed, hugging her back tightly. In his panic, he'd forgotten about how great it would feel to see everybody from their club again, but it was now registering as she broke away from him and he let his eyes scan the people present.

Kiyoko, Daichi and Sugawara were sitting at one of the couches, all of them looking relieved –probably that he'd managed to reach the house without getting a heart attack- as they waved at him. He glanced at the other occupants, noting Ennoshita, Narita and Kinoshita sitting with Tsukishima and Yamaguchi and seemingly having a heated discussion about something (if he had to guess, he'd say it was something to do with a new video game). Everybody else hadn't arrived yet, it seemed, but it was already overwhelming looking at how much everybody had changed.

Kiyoko was still as dazzling as ever, but looked even more majestic wearing the black jumpsuit she currently had on. It seemed she had gotten lenses as she wasn't wearing any glasses, and he noted her tied hair before moving his attention to the others. He'd seen Daichi and Sugawara on Skype before, which meant he wasn't surprised by their development, but he felt a wide grin break on his lips as he noticed the ring on each of their hands.

The person who really stuck out was Yamaguchi. Yamaguchi was much taller, and much more built. He had on a button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled up, and Noya appreciated his tanned arms before refocusing on his face. The man still had the same cute freckles, but his jaw was sharper, his cheeks as well, and Noya had a sense that people were all over him on a daily basis.

Tearing himself out of his thoughts, he ruffled Yachi's hair –much to her protest- and cackled as he took off his jacket . "I'm glad you maintained your cuteness Yachi-chan!"

"Hey back off, buddy- she's mine." Kiyoko voiced from her seat and Noya laughed, his hold on his bag loosening as his nerves started to untangle. This wasn't so bad now.

"Sorry, Kiyoko-san." He sang. "Okay, so, where do I leave my stuff?" He asked the others, a little question prodding at his mind as they told him to take them to the room beside the stairs, which was the room he'd have to apparently share with four of the others. Nodding, he walked in the direction he assumed the door to be, pausing mid-way as all the oxygen inside of him diffused out at once. He stood, frozen, as he watched none other than Asahi Azumane chop up vegetables on a cutting board while a woman he couldn't identify stirred a pot. They were laughing, and the whole thing looked so goddamn domestic he felt his knees threaten to buckle under him. But then Asahi looked at him.

_Fuck_ , he didn't think he'd missed those eyes looking at him so much. But he did, he felt it as his heart punched its way out of his ribcage as their eyes met, and suddenly he was forgetting how to breathe, and panicking about forgetting how to breathe, and he swallowed as his throat dried up.

And then the moment was broken as the woman took notice of Asahi's silence and turned to look at Nishinoya, a wide smile gracing her pink lips as she abandoned the pot to make her way to him. He felt his defensive instincts attempt to take control as his brain reached the explanation for her presence in the house, and it took all the strength in his life force to not push her away and run.

"Hi, I'm Maria, you're one of Asahi's teammates right?" She asked and Noya found himself nodding dumbly as she spoke. She was breathtakingly beautiful, a beauty that reminded him of cherry blossoms and long walks on the beach, and he felt his heart tear itself into shreds as it realized he was nothing compared to her. His stomach burned with acid and he smiled reflexively, pushing his emotions away, far away, as she spoke again.

"Let me guess which one you are. Short, you've got a blond streak- oh! Yuu…?"

"Yuu Nishinoya, at your service." He grinned at her confidently, offering her his hand to shake. Play it smooth, and nobody gets hurt- that was his rule in life.

"Oh, as charismatic as Asahi described you then." She smiled sweetly and a thought occurred to him that Asahi had probably avoided mentioning the fact that they'd dated, and a glance in Asahi's direction confirmed that, as the gentle giant's face was painted with nervousness.

Noya considered breaking the news to her, just to cause a little bit of a mess in Asahi's apparently-perfect life, but he stopped himself. He didn't have to make others miserable just because he was, he was better than that. Instead, he laughed, releasing her hand and scratching the back of his head.

"I don't know about charisma, but you could say I've got style." He smirked, and it felt easy to merge with this persona and its air of confidence. It was so easy, he felt himself wanting to stay in its walls like he had done in high school, but he knew he couldn't. It was an unhealthy part of him he was trying to cut out, but being here made all his previous progress go to waste as he felt its walls embrace him anyway.

"Um. Hey, Nishinoya." He heard Asahi's voice speak and it felt much like a stab wound as he realized he wouldn't hear him call him Yuu, and he wished Asahi had the guts to just throw away what Noya had said to him all those years ago and call him by it, but he didn't. His sixteen year old self had fallen for a complete coward, and much like with his other relationships, he found he'd picked up that trait as his heart screamed at him to say something to Asahi, but all he did was wave awkwardly, fixing his eyes on the wall behind him briefly, before glancing back at Maria.

"Anyway, Maria, I've got to go put my bag in the room and go to the restroom, but it's really great meeting you." He smiled and willed his feet to walk away from the kitchen, from the goddamn kitchen and its suffocating domestic air, and he found himself dialing Tanaka's number as he stepped into the room and threw his bag on the ground.

"Ryuu, you goddamn piece of shit-"

"Good afternoon to you too, Noya-san-"

"why didn't you tell me he had a girlfriend?" Noya's voice wavered as he walked towards the window, studying the dust collected in the corners as Tanaka sighed on the other side.

"You know, he had her on his profile picture."

"I don't check his profile, Ryuu! I was trying to forget all about him, and now thanks to you guys and your _genius_ plan I'm here locking myself in a room like a baby trying not to commit an actual crime by stabbing him repeatedly." Noya spoke quickly, heatedly, and he felt his ears grow warm as his eyes grew wet. He blinked forcefully to clear his vision.

"Okay, well, stabbing him isn't a good idea so keep trying not to do it. I'll be there in an hour, then you and I can smoke a few cigarettes-"

"I don't smoke anymore, dude."

"Right, then, we'll chill out and try to have fun with the others. Asahi is only one person, you can avoid him- although I think confronting him would save both of you a lot of angst." Tanaka said and Noya groaned, running his hand through his hair in frustration.

"Oh yeah, I'll just confront him with his girlfriend standing _right there_. He hasn't even bothered to tell her about us, it's- it's like it meant absolutely fucking nothing to him!"

"Or maybe it meant so much he knows she would be upset with it?" Tanaka offered, and there was a silence as he allowed Noya to mull it over. It made sense, but negativity was starting to eat away at Noya's heart, and he shook his head quickly to get rid of the idea.

"I couldn't mean that much to anyone, Ryuu." He muttered softly, his hand tracing small, invisible circles on the wall beside him.

"Noya-"

"It's okay, forget it, I'm overreacting." He sighed, "We were just high school boyfriends, I'm blowing this way out of proportion."

"Right."

"I'll just do this for Sugawara and Daichi." Noya sniffed, rubbing his eyes as he studied the street outside, the random appearance and disappearance of cars quieting his thoughts for the time being. He knew he could do this, he'd been through worse; he passed the National Medical Licensing exam goddammit, he wasn't going to fail at basic human interaction.

"Dude, I don't want you to push yourself." Tanaka said over the phone and Noya smiled fondly, rolling his eyes. No matter how scary he tried to be, Tanaka was a big ass softy deep inside.

"I'm not pushing myself. I'll be fine, just get your ass over here _please_."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm almost there. I'll see you, dude."

"Alright. And, thanks." Noya added, rubbing his arm awkwardly. He wondered if Tanaka knew he'd signed up for all these emotional outbursts when he'd befriended him in their first year of high school.

"Don't thank me." Tanaka spoke, and Noya ended the call. Taking in a deep breath for the hundredth time that day, he fixed his eyes on the door of the room. He released the breath, pushing himself off the window sill and making his way to the door to return to the others, ignoring his heart as it slammed against his ribcage with each beat.

He could do this.

* * *

Waking up suddenly, Noya found himself face to face with Shouyou Hinata's foot, which triggered memories of similar sleeping arrangements on training camps during volleyball club days, but the subsequent kick to his face quickly returned him to the present.

He groaned, slowly moving Hinata's foot away from his face as he turned to look at the window. He wasn't sure what time it was, but judging from the shades of deep purple in the sky, he figured it was nearly sunrise. He sighed, letting his head fall back against the pillow as he stared up at the dark ceiling.

Thanks to his job, he hardly ever got sleep, which also meant his body got accustomed to sleeping few hours before it woke him up. It was usually good when he had to report back to the hospital, but right now, he wanted nothing more than to punch his sleep cycle in the face for waking him up.

What was he going to do with the time? Judging from the others in the room -Kageyama's arm sprawled on Tanaka's back, Hinata's entire upper body on Kageyama's chest- they were in deep sleep, and weren't waking up any time soon.

Another problem was the fact that he was dying of thirst. It felt like his throat had gone on a journey in the Sahara desert with how dry it felt then, and he considered getting up to get himself some water.

He was thinking over the exact percentage of "worth it" a glass of water would have as his brain offered the proposition of moving to his body, which didn't seem like it wanted to comply. He wasn't sleepy, sure, but he was tired right down to his bones- which was only normal for  a doctor.

Noya eventually decided that moving was better than dying of thirst, and he slowly rose from the futon, blinking lazily in the dark before tip toeing his way out of the room.

The door clicked shut behind him and he carried his bare feet in the direction of the kitchen, the wooden floor creaking lazily under them. He reached the doorway, where he froze, much like he had earlier that day.

Asahi was sitting at the table, this time with a tablet in front of him. The lights were off, but with the help of the glow of the screen Noya could make out his messy hair –left untied-, as well as the scruff that had developed overnight.

Clearing his throat with his heart racing, Noya smiled tightly as the man jerked in his seat, sighing as he caught sight of Noya.

"I thought I heard somebody moving." He began, smiling softly at Noya as he clicked the power button on the tablet, effectively locking the screen.

"And you assumed it was a ghost coming after you?" Noya smirked in amusement as Asahi's lips twitched, and he willed his feet to move so he could search through the cabinets for a cup to pour water into.

"She gave you my shirt." Asahi commented and Noya frowned, before he gestured to the shirt hanging off his shoulders. It was Asahi's Karasuno volleyball shirt, and although the number 3 looked a little faded out, the shirt seemed to have been maintained well enough.

"Uh, yeah, I forgot to bring a shirt." Noya rubbed his neck awkwardly, trying to avoid looking at the older man, but it was hard to ignore how _hot_ Asahi looked then. With the low glow filtering in through the window, his face was barely illuminated, and shadows were created from the angles of his face. His eyes looked sleepy at that early hour, and Noya briefly wondered what it was like to wake up to such a handsome face every morning.

"It suits you." Asahi's comment brought him back to the conversation and he felt his cheeks heat as blood circulated to them. He let his eyes drop to the floor as he rubbed his arm, and he groaned internally at his behaviour. Leave it to Asahi to reduce him to a blushy kid.

"It's a little too big." He managed to get out, and then he was quickly changing the topic as he felt the tension in the room thicken. "Um, do you know where the cups are? Because I have no idea..." He trailed off as his eyes rose to watch Asahi approach him, and then his body was running on overdrive as his blood raced through his blood vessels, his lungs sucked in all the air that they could, and his brain was more hyperaware than it had ever been.

A hand circled his forearm, and he allowed himself to believe that it was real, it was happening, until Asahi's other hand reached up and above him, opening a cabinet and pulling out a cup from there.

"O-oh..." He voiced, stupidly, as his hands moved to accept the cup from the taller man. His body was suddenly on autopilot as he felt all the excitement crash all at once, and he gripped the counter behind him to steady himself- lest he fell from the crushing weight of his disappointment.

But why the hell was he disappointed? He was supposed to be over this, he reminded himself. He was a grown man now, and his high school heartbreak wasn't a part of his life anymore.

"Those cabinets aren't short people friendly, y'know." He commented, reconstructing a smirk onto his broken lips as he poured water into the cup, watching it swirl before reaching the rim. He drank it quickly, his brain wincing at its iciness as it washed down his dry throat.

"Uh, yeah, sorry. I guess me and Maria dont notice it since we're both tall." Asahi chuckled awkwardly, rubbing the back of his head and Noya's being fought against itself as it screamed at him to tell Asahi to cut the crap, to either act normal or voice whatever was lingering in the air between them, but he just gave a smile faker than the pearls his mother wore to funerals as he placed the cup in the sink.

"Maria seems nice. How long have you two been together?" He asked, leaning against the counter.

"Uh, around...6 months now?" Asahi hesitated as he seemed to calculate in his head, his eyes watching the ceiling before he nodded firmly, turning them back onto Noya. "Yep, six months and two weeks."

"Oh." Noya found himself muttering as his hand tightened its grip on the counter. Six months. That was longer than any of the relationships Noya had had before. How _dare_ Asahi manage to love somebody, while he had to jump from one horrible relationship to another? It wasn't fair, and he wondered why when it came to break-ups, one person always ended up with the bigger scar.

"Do you- I mean, are you with someone?" Asahi broke through his thoughts and he coughed in surprise, laughing nervously as he scrambled for an answer. On one hand, he could tell Asahi about Ushiwaka, but on the other hand, he really didn't want people to think they were anything official. And a little part of him might have also wanted to show Asahi that he was still Available, still willing.

"Nope," he answered, pushing off the counter and smiling at Asahi, "being an intern leaves no real time for dating and stuff." He wasn't really lying, being an intern at one of the busiest hospitals of Miyagi was nothing to sneeze at, but he knew that –if he wanted to- he'd make time, the way Iwaizumi and Oikawa made time for each other, the way so many in the medical field around him made time for _their_ loved ones. He didn't tell this to Asahi though, and pushed the thought away. Yuu Nishinoya was not made for a relationship; that was how it was.

"You're a doctor?" Asahi asked and he nodded, feeling pride swell in his chest at the title. He didn't think he'd ever get used to being called that. "Woah, I definitely didn't expect you to become one."

"What's that supposed to mean, asshole?" Noya slammed his hand down on the table, laughing softly as he found he couldn't maintain seriousness. Asahi began laughing along, and then Noya was thinking about how long it had been since the two of them had laughed together like this, raw and real, until Asahi was quieting down and shushing him.

"Listen, we'd better not wake the others. Do you want to go talk outside?" He offered, and Noya looked down at his feet before looking up,

"I'm missing a sock though." He grinned as Asahi slapped his palm against his face in exasperation, before he was taking hold of Noya's forearm -his hand firm and warm and _wanted_ there- and dragging him towards the backdoor in the kitchen.

"You've run around barefoot a hundred times, your foot won't be offended." He spoke as they stepped out, the ground cold under Noya's one bare foot as the sun had yet to warm it. He grinned, brushing away a strand from his face before looking up at the older man.

"Excuse you, but I've changed. I have left my youth behind, Asahi Azumane." He laughed and punched Asahi's arm as the taller man began laughing, shaking his head as his eyes watched the morning sun, the brown in them resembling the brown of freshly brewed coffee, and Noya's heart skipped a few beats while it carved them into the walls of its chambers.

"It's impossible for you to change, Noya." He spoke softly, and it felt like his words had more behind them than the gentle smile on his face was telling, but all too soon he was on the move, taking the steps down to the garden. "You know, I bought these new flowers but I haven't planted them yet. Wanna help me do it?" He turned to look at Noya, who was still standing on the top step.

"Gardening? I know next to nothing about that, you know." He said, making his way down to stand beside Asahi, the taller man kneeling to study the newly-bought flowers.

"You're a doctor, you handle living beings every day."

"I handle _people_ every day, Asahi, I can't handle plants- they're too fragile." Asahi glanced up at him with an amused smile then, and he could've sworn his heart dropped all the way down to his pelvis as their eyes made contact. _Fuck_ , he thought as he realized he wasn't doing so well on the whole moving on plan.

"Fine, do you know how to pull weeds out?" He asked as he stood, his muscles flexing as he picked up the crate of flowers with ease, and suddenly Noya was remembering all the times those muscles had picked him up, Asahi's arms wrapped around him strongly, securely, before he snapped himself out of his thoughts.

"Is it just pulling things out from the ground?"

"Yep."

"Then I'm your guy." He grinned, pointing his thumb at himself, his grin melting into a soft smile as Asahi laughed, and he fought it with all his might but, he found his heart loved that laugh.

* * *

"So," Noya began as he wiped sweat off his forehead, a mass of weeds he had torn out of the ground clutched tight in his hand as he got up, going over to the plastic bag Asahi had brought out and hung on one of the stronger branches of a plant. "What do you do for a living? Or wait, let me guess; a teacher? Probably at a nursery school." He thought out loud, gaining a raised eyebrow from the taller man, who by now had tied his hair back in a loose ponytail.

"A teacher? Why would you think that?" He asked as he looked back down at the ground, positioning the flower in the area he'd just dug up before quickly burying its roots under the soil once again.

"I don't know, you've  got that whole 'Nice Guy' air going on, kids like that." Noya shrugged as he walked over to Asahi, kneeling down to inspect the flower he'd just planted, "So what's this one?"

"It's a carnation. It'll look like that one," Asahi pointed to another flower a few centimeters away from the new one, "once it blossoms."

"Oh." Noya began, "I like it, it's pretty." He smiled before noticing Asahi's eyes on him, quickly turning to face the older man with a frown, "What?" He asked defensively, raising an eyebrow as Asahi raised his hands in defense.

"Nothing, it's just weird."

"That I like the flower?" Noya asked, confused.

Asahi nodded, the smile on his face as unreadable as ever, "It just seems fitting, that you'd like that flower." He chuckled before clapping the dirt off his hands and rising to a stand, sighing heavily. "Are you done?"

"I think so." He replied, helping Asahi collect what was left of the black wrappers the flowers had been contained in and throwing them in the plastic bag. He watched Asahi take the bag off the branch, tying it together to seal it.

"Wanna go inside?" Asahi asked before quickly adding, "I'll make us coffee."

"You have my attention. Please proceed." Noya answered, smiling as Asahi grinned and began their trek back to the kitchen. "Oh, you didn't answer my question."

"I'm not a teacher at a nursery school." Asahi began, "But I'm still not telling you."

"Eh? Why not?" Noya pouted as he pushed the door to the kitchen open, walking inside ahead of the taller man before turning to face him. Asahi shrugged, smirking as he opened one of the cabinets, his shirt lifting up slightly, and pulled out a jar that Noya assumed contained coffee granules, before speaking.

"Well, you were _so_ convinced with your detective skills; I thought maybe you should figure it out on your own."

" _Asahi_ , you know I'm too lazy to do all that thinking, come on." Noya sighed, poking the older man's upper arm while whining, but all Asahi did was chuckle at him like he was some five year old wrapped around his leg, which in a way, he was.

"A doctor that's too lazy to think? How incompetent." He laughed as Noya's eyebrows knitted together in annoyance, and he knew he'd just ticked off the shorter boy by the way his jaw was twitching in the most adorable way.

"Asahi Azumane, I have a lot of reasons to punch you, don't make me use them." He threatened, smirking in victory as the older man put his hands up in surrender.

"I'm sorry. I'm still not going to tell you, though." He smiled, and Noya tried to keep up an annoyed face as he studied Asahi's face, as he studied the way it was smiling- just for him.

"You're so annoying," He muttered as he made his way back to one of the chairs and sat in it, meaning a hundred different things by the statement. Asahi turned to look at him, and his pout melted into a smile as he felt warmth practically seep into him from the older man's gaze.

"What can I say, I haven't changed much myself." His lips returned Noya's smile, and then he was turning his back to him to prepare their coffee.

Noya didn't know what Asahi meant exactly, but he did know that he was in _huge_ trouble, if his heart rate was anything to go by.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize for the long wait! The past two weeks were filled with stress, stress, and more stress, and I didn't like how any of my writing was turning out, so it only worked out now. I'm still not sure how this chapter is, so please feel free to comment your thoughts on it!
> 
> The ushinoya isn't ready yet, I haven't been able to write it properly because I haven't sorted out my thoughts on those two just yet. I'll have it ready soon, but if you have an headcanons, please send them to this poor old soul because I'm dying for something to prompt some ushinoya in my head but it _is just not working_.
> 
> Carnations are my mom's favorite flowers, in fact, I got the idea for this fic when she told me that, so shout-out to mom y'all.
> 
> The next chapter WILL have everybody sitting down and talking and being their old nerd selves from high school, sorry this one didn't have that, it's just that if it did it would have gotten _really_ long.
> 
> Thank you for reading and for all the comments and/or kudos, and I hope you enjoyed this!


	4. Racecar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If the first day at Asahi's household was nerve-wracking, the second was unbearable, and Noya gets little release once he's finally on the train ride home.

The next morning, Asahi and Noya met in the kitchen for another round of gardening and talking as if on instinct. It was already Sunday, and soon enough, Noya would be leaving to Miyagi, leaving Asahi’s house and his life again, and returning to the empty walls of his own apartment. He wouldn’t be getting back to work until that Tuesday, and he wondered briefly if he should just crash Ushiwaka’s apartment instead, if only to escape his own thoughts.

Noya’s eyes were fixed on the dark vortex of the coffee cup in his hand. It was still too hot to drink, he knew, since he’d tried to take a sip and had to bite back a yelp to avoid drawing Asahi’s attention to his stupidity. Eyes watery in reaction to his scalded tongue, he continued to look down at his cup, trying to make sense of the feeling enveloping him in that moment. It was similar to the feeling one has when they bike down a hill for the first time, a feeling of absolute exhilaration mixed with a sense of panic. It was the same feeling one got when they stood at the edge of a cliff, or the top of a bridge, and knew fully well how alive they felt in that moment, and how dead they could be if they were to simply step off.

The table between them was the metaphorical edge, the one that separated him from the ridged touch of death, or in this case, the calloused touch of Asahi’s hand against his. He tried to remember what it felt like to touch the other man’s hand, but it had been too long, and his skin had long discarded the feeling; it was data clogging the mind, data that his very cells knew they had no use for anymore, hadn’t had a use for since graduation day.

Noya was vaguely aware of himself laughing as Asahi told him things of his life, that offhanded laugh one offers up when their mind is 6 feet underwater, in a world completely separate from the one the visible eye observes, a world everyone had, and nobody mentioned.

Lifting his gaze back to Asahi’s face, he wondered whether the man realized how otherworldly he was. His jaw was a line so perfectly drawn, his face a perfectly assimilated set of features: brown eyes; thick, symmetrical eyebrows; straight nose; full lips. Noya wondered how he managed to lose all of that. What did he do wrong? Was it the wrong time? Or was it always wrong? Was one supposed to feel a sense of dread and excitement with the one they loved? Did Maria feel like that every time she looked at Asahi?

“So,” Asahi signified a change of topic and Noya’s attention emerged from the deep waters, “What’s going on in your life?”

Noya wanted to laugh, or scream, or perhaps laugh then scream. How could he answer that? What _was_ going on in his life? He wasn’t very sure how much of a life his life was, anyway, he had always thought of it as going through the motions. How could he say that, though? He couldn’t; it clashed with the picture he had painted of his satisfaction for everyone else to see. One’s loss was irrelevant to another, he knew that.

“Um,” he began while chewing on the apple he had forgotten to bite from while his thoughts raced, “I don’t know. Work, mainly. I really don’t have much time for things.”

“Are you that busy?”

“Hospitals don’t sleep.” He shrugged, chuckling. “it’s basically a constant cycle of waking up, going to the hospital, waiting till I can escape the hospital, and then sleeping again. But I don’t mind it, it keeps me busy.”

“But is that good?” Asahi asked, and wasn’t that the million dollar question. Was it good, how Noya resided in an absent-minded state if not for the sake of his sanity? Was it good, how he never really lived, but rather half-lived through all of his experiences? It probably wasn’t, but until somebody came to him with an alternative he was content.

“Yeah!” Noya exclaimed in feigned cheer, “No time means no time for drama either.” Asahi chuckled as Noya frowned as the other man shook his head, “What?”

“Nothing, just…” He sighed, “you really haven’t changed at all.”

“Yes I have.” Noya objected, unsure where the sudden indignation he felt was coming from. He never got this angry anymore, what was fueling him? “I’ve changed, Asahi. You knew me when I was, what, sixteen? I was an idiot, then.”

“You weren’t an idiot.”

“But I was a child. That’s why _this_ ,” he gestured between them, “didn’t work out, right?” Asahi stayed silent, but Noya knew it was true. “It’s not like it’s not true. It’s true. I was a child, but I’ve changed. I’m better.”

“Working yourself until you’re too tired to think isn’t much better, is it? I would prefer a hyperactive Noya over a workaholic Noya anytime-“

“Yeah but this isn’t about you, is it, Asahi?” He replied harshly, “It’s not about what you prefer. It hasn’t been for a very long time.”

“Why are you getting mad?” Asahi replied equally irritably, a tone Noya felt one rarely heard from Asahi even today, and the sense of panic returned to Noya’s system. He had freewheeled down the hill and had just found out the backpedals were out-of-service.

“Because, I lived too much of my life complying with others’ preferences, but when did anyone think about mine?” Noya looked at Asahi, his eyes watering for a whole other reason for the second time that morning. “We dated for a whole year and yet you never asked once about what I liked, what _I_ wanted.”

“That was a lon-“

“Long time ago, and ever since then I have had to put up with the same thing, over and over.” He rubbed his face, “You see, Asahi, treating a broken wrist is easier than trying to find peace of mind.” Maria was coming down the stairs, he could tell from the soft, footsteps which contrasted with anybody else’s from the team, “Not all of us get a happy ending, and we’re okay with it.” He rose from his seat, taking Asahi’s silence as a signifier for the end of the conversation.

Noya’s coffee was still untouched on the kitchen table when he went to find his shoes by the front door, ignoring Maria’s question as to where he was going. Maria whipped around to look at Asahi questioningly, Asahi meeting her gaze for a second, before taking his own cup and stepping outside.

He needed to think.

* * *

By the time Noya came back from wandering around the Tokyo streets everybody was already awake. He could hear the ruckus from inside the house, and he took a deep breath in, checking his face for any evidence of crying using his front camera, then turned the knob. He was immediately greeted with the smell of conflicted breakfast foods, the smell of Yakizakana seemingly at war with the smell of sausage. Nonetheless, his stomach rumbled at the promise of both, so he trailed towards the dining table.

“Noya! Where have you been? We could have used your help with breakfast prep.” Sugawara set down a plate of kobachi as he walked over to him.

“Wouldn’t have helped much anyway, all I know how to make is a bowl of corn flakes.” He chuckled softly.

“Are you okay?” Sugawara drew nearer to him, his motherly instincts from back in high school days kicking in.

“What? Yeah, I’m great! I’m fine. Do I look not fine?” Noya frowned, trying to resurface from the depths of his mind’s dwellings as Sugawara studied his face closely.

“You just have that weird look on your face.” Sugawara murmured, eyes growing more concerned the longer he gazed at Noya. “Anyway, if you’re sure.” Sugawara smiled softly, patting Noya’s arm before leaving him to retrieve more plates from the kitchen.

Sighing, Noya spotted Tanaka standing around with Hinata and Kageyama near the window overlooking the backyard, and he made his way to them. It seemed that Hinata and Kageyama were just about to delve into another one of their arguments, but were interrupted with his arrival.

“Noya! You weren’t in the room this morning.” Hinata said, the ever-present cheer in his voice lifting Noya’s spirits all on their own.

“It’s because you keep farting in your sleep.” Kageyama smirked in amusement.

“Shut up, you totally love that I announce my farts.” Hinata pointed his tongue at him, his fake-frown turning into a smile as Kageyama’s face softened. Noya chuckled in amusement as he watched the two, feeling genuinely happy like he always does when he’s around them. Their relationship was bizarre, something that felt more like an unlikely occurrence than course of nature. Their ability to irritate each other beyond measures was always seen as a worrying aspect by a lot of people, but Noya knew it wasn’t true, in fact, he felt that gave them power. Their small fights allowed them to weather through much bigger problems with a stability very few relationships possessed.

“Hey, uh, I wanted to talk to you.” He slapped his hand on Tanaka’s shoulder, drawing everybody’s attention again. “Alone, though.”

“Shit, what happened?” Tanaka asked, his brows knitted in concern. Noya eyed him briefly, trying to communicate that he just couldn’t talk about it in front of the other two, which Tanaka quickly noticed, nodding. “Let’s go for a walk.”

“But breakfast is about to start, guys.” Hinata interrupted.

“Tell the others they can start without us.” Tanaka said, clapping his hand on Noya’s back and guiding him around the house and towards the street and down to a set of stores.

“You quit, dude.” Tanaka commented as he watched Noya walk out of a supermarket with a pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

“Yeah, but I also supposedly quit Asahi, which is no longer fucking true right now.” Noya sighed, walking alongside Tanaka as he lit up a cigarette. He could feel Tanaka’s eyes trained on him as took his first drag of the cigarette, sighing in relief as he felt the nicotine flood his system. “Look, if you’re gonna give me shit, look away, cause I need this right now.”

“I’m not gonna give you shit, that’d be hypocritical of me.” Tanaka grunted, accepting the cigarette as Noya offered to pass it. “What happened? I thought you were doing good.”

“I thought so too but…” Noya hesitated, studying the cracks on the sidewalks as he mulled over what had happened that morning. “Something weird happened this morning. I… I don’t even know what. He was showing me his and Maria’s pictures, and all these cute, adorable stories of when they first got together. I lost it.”

“You love him, Noya. I know you like to do your whole tough guy act, and I know most people buy it, but I know he meant something to you.” Tanaka passed the cigarette back to him, the smoke escaping through his nostrils as he looked up to study the crows cawing from the roof of a building.

“I just… It’s not fair, you know? Here he is, having the best time of his life, and I’m still struggling to get over him.” Noya huffed, toeing at a weed that had squirmed its way through the concrete.

“You’re having a pretty good life too, dude. You just never let yourself see the good. You never have.” Tanaka said simply, quietly, a fact both of them knew but rarely ever voiced. He was right. Noya hadn’t let himself accept something good in a long time. Even when they were winning volleyball matches, he’d voice his frustrations to Tanaka; how he’d missed a ball he could have gotten, how he hadn’t passed to Kageyama as perfectly as he’d wanted. He’d never voiced any of that around the other team members, knowing he’d just drag them down with the negativity, but it didn’t mean he didn’t think it most of the time.

“I know you’re right, but I also know that’s not gonna stop me from thinking about everything that’s shitty.” Noya smirked as Tanaka snorted in amusement, his eyes following a car as it blasted through the street beside them.

“You’re a stubborn asshole.” Tanaka smiled, grabbing Noya’s head to kiss its top fondly, before shoving him away. Noya, though expecting it, still lost his balance, slamming into the graffitied wall beside him and shouting indignantly, shoving Tanaka back as he laughed at him.

“So what should I do?” He asked as their laughter died down. Tanaka threw the cigarette butt onto the ground, stepping on it firmly with his foot.

“My advice?” He began, pushing his fists into his hoodie’s pockets. “Stay. Ignore him, but talk to everybody else. We really rarely get to see each other.” He bumped his shoulder against Noya’s.

“Only if you’ll let me be a complete baby and complain to you if something goes wrong.” Noya smirked.

“Oh, I thought that was what you did 24/7 anyway.” Tanaka grinned, avoiding a smack from Noya.

“Asshole.” Noya laughed, walking at Tanaka’s pace as they made their way back to Asahi’s house.

“Takes one to know one.” Tanaka sang, shouting indignantly as Noya shoved him against a streetlight.

* * *

 

“Come on, Yachi, I’m down to my last hundred!” Yamaguchi cried as he handed Yachi the tax for stepping on her land, gripping the money too tight for her to snatch away before groaning and finally relenting.

“Yeah, you make me kinda wanna quit.” Daichi laughed from beside Yamaguchi, the nervousness not absent from his voice as he shook the die in his right hand, rolling them while biting down on his lower lip. Sugawara’s laugh came from the couches as he saw Daichi’s die add up to ten steps, which allowed him to pass through Go and collect 200 dollars, but also landed him on Kiyoko’s land instead. “I just can’t win.”

“It’s not your fault, we’re a power couple.” Kiyoko smirked, her hand beckoning Daichi to offer up whatever he had left. After a fair bit of bargaining, she ended up with all the money he had.

“Don’t worry, Daichi, I’ll get back the glory from those two.” Hinata smirked, pouting as the thimble he’d chosen to play landed on “Go to Jail”, everybody around him bursting into laughter.

“Your confidence is as outdated as the thimble you chose to play with, Hinata.” Yachi grinned, ruffling his hair as he grumbled.

“When did you get so mean?” He pouted, trying to push her off.

“You only say that because I’m a woman.” Yachi shrugged.

“Oh yeah, blame it on sexism and not your insatiable hunger for capitalist success.” Tanaka laughed.

“I didn’t know you knew the word insatiable.” Tsukishima snickered from beside Noya, high-fiving Kiyoko from across the board.

“Hey, I’m all grown up now. I know words.” Tanaka grumbled, mock-offended as he accepted the die after Yachi had gone. His turn landed him on Noya’s land, one of the three green ones. “Oh good, it’s Noya.”

“Na-ah.” Noya smirked, sipping at the glass of coke in his hand before exhaling loudly, exaggeratedly. “Pay up, loser.”

“After everything I’ve done for you?” Tanaka gasped, his hand resting on his chest in offense.

“Hey, all’s fair in modern-day capitalist society. Now, gimme your money.” Noya cackled, humming in approval as he collected Tanaka’s last remaining land.

“Fuck, I’m officially out.” Tanaka groaned, repositioning himself so his head was leaning against Noya’s arm. “Now I can be your business consultant.”

“You should tell him to sell me that green land he’s got.” Maria’s voice chimed in, an evil glint in her eyes. Noya had discovered she managed to keep up with him and the rest of the evil masterminds pretty well when it came to monopoly.

“Hell no. You’re giving up first.” Noya waggled his eyebrows.

“But she’s got the two other lands, what’s the point?” Tanaka asked.

“Pettiness.” Kiyoko snorted. Noya wondered if she knew his pettiness was not only directed at the game of monopoly sitting between them, but applied to real life as well.

“I’ll pay you double its price.” Maria offered.

“But getting to see you go broke is priceless.” Noya smiled sweetly, laughing as she grumbled, announcing her defeat and returning to the game.

The game went on for another hour or so, where Yachi had finally pushed Daichi and Yamaguchi out of the game before Maria pushed Noya out. There was no winner, as Tsukishima and Kiyoko had been the last ones standing, and eventually everybody got tired of watching their all-too-real resemblance to the monsters in Wall Street.

“That was good, you guys.” Asahi laughed from where he was seated beside Sugawara, both of them having asked to be excluded from the game from the start. Maria’s face had a pout on as she made her way towards him. Noya’s heart flinched in its spot within his ribcage as he watched Asahi pull her into a hug, kissing the top of her head as if nursing her injured pride. He found himself staring at them for a few beats, before he was blinking the image away, glancing down at the several hands cleaning up the board.

The chatter around Noya continued, but his focus had shifted back to his thoughts as the couple remained in their embrace, seemingly comfortable in their position. Several of the others were seated similarly, couples with their arms around each other, and Noya stood abruptly as the room seemed to close in on him all at once.

“I think I’m going to go now.” He proclaimed, wincing at the loudness of his voice after the words had already left his mouth. He was turning around and walking back to the room he’d occupied almost immediately, not bothering to see whether anyone had noticed him at all.

Noya packed what he had taken out of the suitcase quickly, his hands trembling as he felt the anxiety within him rise. He didn’t know what was happening. He knew this wasn’t supposed to happen to him anymore, he’d gotten rid of all his anxiety problems. But here they were, reappearing under the roof of none other than Asahi Azumane, and why was Noya surprised anyway? It was always Asahi, only Asahi, that could make him come undone.

He found Sugawara waiting for him at the doorway. Sighing, he smiled, letting go of his suitcase to embrace the man briefly. “Suga, I’m so happy for you guys.” He smiled up at the man, noticing not for the first time how beautiful his long eyelashes and cloudy grey eyes were. It really had surprised nobody how deeply Daichi had fallen in love with him.

“Thank you. You better come to the wedding.” Sugawara threatened, a strict finger raised close to Noya’s face, before he felt it flicking his forehead. “And bring a boyfriend.”

Noya snorted. “You bring me a boyfriend.” He grinned, Sugawara rolling his eyes and hugging him once more.

“You’re amazing, Noya. Please call often.” Noya felt Sugawara’s arms tighten around him, and then he was releasing him.

Noya shouted his goodbye to the others, rolling his eyes as a few of them ran up to him to hug him and repeat Sugawara’s request about calling regularly. He assured them that he would, in his mind knowing he wouldn’t call, but promising himself that he’d text them at least once a month. He was about to turn away and out of the door, stopping as he saw Maria approach him, followed closely by Asahi.

“Noya.” She smiled. “Thank you for coming over. I think it really made Asahi happy to see you.” She spoke softly, kindly, and Noya wished he could find something to hate about her. He smiled back, a forced smile, and glanced behind her at Asahi, attempting to comprehend the blanket of thought that seemed to cover the man’s face.

“Thanks for inviting me, it was nice meeting you.” He spoke politely, knowing he didn’t mean any part of it. He wasn’t grateful at all for coming, and meeting her had only set off emotions he’d buried years ago, ones he had to now bury all over again.

A look of surprise crossed his face as Maria hugged him, a warm hug that communicated safety and security. As he separated from her, he wondered if that was what Asahi liked about her- how she was the polar opposite of Noya’s instability, and quickly shook off the thought. He grabbed his suitcase, offering Asahi the ghost of a smile as he waited for him to say something to him. The man stood there, quietly, and after a moment, Noya forced himself to turn around and leave. He ignored the pain in his chest as he glanced back one last time, frowning as he saw what he thought was Asahi, with words right on the tip of his tongue.

* * *

 

Finally seated on the train back home, Noya unclenched the hand that hadn’t been occupied with his suitcase. In it, he found the piece he’d chosen during their game of monopoly earlier, the racecar. Snorting in amusement, he let his head fall back. If he was the racecar, then this weekend was definitely a traffic collision.

He shook his head at the hilarity of his inner musings, pocketing the piece in his jacket and retrieving his phone instead. Midway through the third song on his playlist, his phone vibrated in his hand, shaking him out of the nap he was about to fall into. He opened up the app -having disabled the homescreen previews to stop his mother from reading his texts when he stayed over- and felt his heart jolt out of his chest.

 ** _“Take care”_   **the text read, its sender still online as Noya stared at the text.

The sender was Asahi, who was sitting on the edge of his own bed alone, staring back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise, bitch. Thought you'd seen the last of me.
> 
> No, but for real, writing this chapter felt like pulling out a tooth. Not nice. But it's a necessary thing for continuing it.
> 
> All feedback is appreciated it, even though I know this was more of a filler than anything else.


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